I don’t even wanna talk about it guys! First we lose to UCLA and then we lose to O-Who?!! Ever since Diff’rent Strokes star Gary Coleman died, this has been the worst year evarr!

As VP Kev knows, I haven’t been this upset in, like, forever! This morning I was pacing around the top of the tower in tears.

And, of course, I’m uber mad at Coach Mack! He won’t let me stand next to him during games and tell him some of my ideas for plays. I even got a brand new pair of sunglasses for the job.

Look, I’m not saying I would make the best coach (I’m definitely more of a cool but authoritative president kind of guy, lol), but I’m just saying that if I was coach, I wouldn’t ignore the Longhorn’s number one fan when he was telling some really great football stories. I used to play a little football back in the day, you know!

I remember the time I lost my first big game against the Fort Henry Mustangs. It was all because of a stupid tactical error on my part and I couldn’t stop beating myself up about it. But I remember feeling all better when my mom let me have two whole Caprisuns on the way home.

So, if anyone from the Longhorn football team is reading this, I would like to tell you all to pat yourselves on the back, drink some Caprisun and also ask Coach Mack if I can come hang out with you guys some more!

Its siesta time now and OU still sucks!

P.S. That was some scary stuff on Tuesday ya’ll. I just wanted to let all of you know that if you’re down and lonely, or too stressed, or whatever and you feel like you’re at the end of your rope. Text me! We can grab a bite at the Union and go bowling or something.

Your BFF 4 lyfe,

Billy P